i am betraying blogger and now movin to livejournal. it's time to grow out of this skin :)

www.livejournal.com/~spirited_ 

 
MERRY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! blue turned white... (got that from a Maria Mena feature article somewhere) actually, more like gloomy blue turned blushin red... haha! i feel so light... am happy... am glad... i met someone. i like her... and this is new that i am acknowledgin this liking even before my sister gets to point it out for me AND strange too that i am admitting it even before my Denial King alter ego gets to kick in to shut me up... it's nice pala to just succumb to a beautiful feelin like this (butterflies around me, stars on my eyes and suddenly, "Colour Everywhere" by Christian Bautista would start playin in my head)... better take it, embrace it as it is, instead of spending time analyzing it... i am allowing "it" to grow.. even watering it... shux... la la la / la la la la la... i just can't get her outta my head... i just can't get her outta my head... and i can't get her out of my head... and her smile (face) is tattooed on my mind... and i can't get her out of my head...

she is this pleasant, adorable and cute girl whose sweetness is not sacharine at all... just right. i can't wait to take her out to eastwood (we planned this since she's never been there) and i've been itchin to text her (just can't cause got no load right now haha) the moment she left our house... my only concern is that my parents had built my reputation to her so high to the point that i fear she's put me up a pedestal and as a result, might never develop an attraction towards me except cold admiration... and that would suck. i like her and that's that.

maybe i should pursue her? i am after all nineteen goin 20 and what better way to end an era or wave goodbye to teenhood than to take this adventure at the risk of losing pieces OR gaining pieces to transform into a better whole? i am worried... still, i am motivated... i could either get burned or start a new chapter in my life entitled "Taken" and just be... happy... a guy can dream (too!)... it'll take so much time but for what it's worth, i intend to preserve this interest. i like her and that's that... let's see what happens.

merry christmas! 2005 is fast approachin and it's very exciting. i hope everyone all the love they could get. dreams can come true if we believe and work hard enough for them to exist or
rather for us to conceive them :)

p.s.
Kyla's new album rocks!
 

 
wow... i took a blogging hiatus! hehe i got a little frustrated with my lay-out lang. some magical online bug must've messed it, the fucker. anyway... this is a no-brainer entry... advanced Merry Christmas by the way! our house has been screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS WORLD since late November. the family looks forward to it every year. whose doesn't?

:)

i got my car fixed. sent it to the car doctor to have its parts replenished if not replaced. and voila! may bumper na siya ulit! yehey! finally, my car got its chin back! hope it grows a goatee to boot to get that astig look. if i ain't gettin it, hope my car does. by the way, i cleaned it today like crazy! i dusted the mats, the insides - basically, mopped the car's gutts! i wanted it really clean ang gwaping. it was just repainted too. same color tho. still, i love it. i love the color of my car. it's refreshing and young. parang ako! not that i see my car as my alter ego! anyway... i even recoded a casatte compilation of songs from my cds. i cant wait to drive again. been without a car for more than a week. kaya, when i got it last thursday holiday, i was so happy to drive it home. i was boppin (new word for moving mah head to the beat of the music) to mary j blige's Family Affair. i love that song kahit i'm never sure of its lyrics. i enjoyed dancin to that song in a chaotic bar somewhere in eastwood. can i just say that i would love if next time, we, meaning us FRIENDS would groove together there or somehwere one time? dancing is a freeing God-given grace. Kaye (aka KA-TA-KER), you go for dancing! i finally understand your reason for your passion ;p

mm... yun lang.
 

 
Chickens
October 31, 2004

denial
is a backbone
the original carpenter
that repairs and
conceals damages on
bruised
chickens that can
not walk
wounded or
face
the world without
a smile - them
concealers, they
try to
HIDE
everything

this is how
they cope

still
they FIND
peace secretly within
shadows where cold
tears trail quietly - ICE
skaters captive
for too long

freedom
granted
 

 
crap. the original version of this entry was erased. anyway, i'm happy to write it all over again. haha :-)

flunked accounting10. i think i'll repeat it. OR not! that is, if i decide suddenly to shift. i don't know... let's just see what happens. i saw the news last week. i was devastated. the weird thing is, it didn't quite register until later that day (during the stat review). i was pissed. it was a hopeless case, and i hated that. i hate it when it's hopeless and no way could ever turn around the tide. that totally goes against my philosophy in life. anyway, i'm ok now. i decided that no fuckin crap like this can bring me down. i am not giving the power to this fuckin crap to plumet me down the drain. grades are grades. you win some, you lose some - you pass some, you fail some. besides, if indeed the world just goes round and round, then i'll feel even better once i'm on top again. i just gotta wait and never stop tryin, right?

"i'm trynna find a way / i'm trynna find a right / and if i bulge i just might... well, well what can i say? / looks like what goes around comes around?" -Nelly Furtado (Trynna Find A Way / Well Well)

i just watched this VH1 special feature on jLo called Driven and man, did she personify the word. i've never been a jLo fan, but after seeing this, i realized there's something more to her than my fave jLo song "Feelin' So Good". the thing with her is that she never stopped dreaming and she did not allow anything to stand in her way. she got rejected so many times, but she kept trying. she was fierce and put herself on the line. i don't idolize her but what she did to get where she is now is admirable - worth looking up to actually. i loved it when said to her friends one during her breakthrough in Selene, "girl, i've been dreaming about this my whole life!" it was nice. according to her friends, jLo was forever half joking that some day she will be famous - she'll make it big. it was funny then, who's laughing now? ain't it cool when dreams come true?

"someday we'll find it / the rainbow connection / the lovers / the dreamers and me... blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life / you were only waiting for this moment to arise..." -Sarah McLachlan (The Rainbow Connection / Blackbird - both revivals tho)

you know what, i'm such a dreamer (guess you all know by now). i got this dream which i'm so eager to pursue. i might not be the best at it, but in time, i want to better my craft. i might still have problems about my work ethics, lethargy, procrastination and some other crap, but for all it's worth, i want to change. i want to make my dream(s) come true. i want to make it big too. haha! i want to be famous! hehe! joke! half-meant actually... i LOVE to dream! it fuels me! every time i'm down (or in this case, fail) i think of what i want and what i should be willing to do for my dream, and i am empowered.

my friends say i am one of the most optimistic people they know. thank you. but really, even i don't know where i get my optimism exactly. maybe i'm just too idealistic and i need some cynism a bit (again). funny, believe it or not, i was so cynical in high school. proof that everything changes - me! sometimes i feel like my hope flows eternally like a river inside and i have the faeries who preserve its magic to thank. thank you. i can get so starry-eyed sometimes, but i say, never stop dreaming and never allow anyone to prevent you from your dream! let your hopes and dreams fuel you. let's do our best.

"come on and do it / don't care how you look it's just how you feel / come on and do it / you've got to make it real / come on and do it / it's time to free what's in your soul / you've got to get it right / this time / come on / freak out lose control!" - Spice Girls (Do It)
 

 
i went to mass just earlier and this guy wore this shirt that said.

"where there are children smiling, there is hope..."

i believe that. there is always hope.

p.s.
smile na mga bata :-) hehehe 

 
i know what i want to do right after college... i want to become a journalist. i want to meet as many interesting people as i can... i want to be sent to places to go through experiences... i want to write... i want to reach out to people... i want to make a difference in the life of others... i want to make people smile... i want to be in the media... if so, then what the hell am i doing in BS Management?

i know. i want to have a back-up plan / sideline while in the media... besides, we have a family business, it would be beneficial. i want to graduate with a degree of BS Management at the expense of going through sucky Accounting and other crappy management subjects which i am not at all interested in... man, i'm just so glad i found VERY SUPPORTING friends, who motivate me to keep fighting especially in times when though unsaid, i just want to give up. thank you to those who never tire of helping me cope. you know who you are... thanks. i love you all. had it not been for you, i wonder what life might have been like for me in a course i don't really like... i want my course because not only is it prestigious, but it's also basic. although i'm pretty thrifty, i admit that i'm not so good with managing money and come the future, i am sure that i will be financing my family's money. my course would be essential. the bottom line is, i want to graduate in this course and i am gonna work hard to get it.

i've been considering (contemplating about) resigning from TheGuidon because lately, i feel as though i am not functioning well enough. i am not meeting my own standards. i am slacking off. God knows how much i love my work in Guidon, but at the expense of my grades, should i still pursue it?

yesterday, monday (09-27-04) i got to do one half of my requirement for my article (did that make sense?). again, thank you Anna... i hope you keep that balloon snail - that's specifically made FOR YOU! :-) anyway, i realized how much i love my work. the past days before that, i've been asking for an inspiration... this became my inspiration. when i got home, instead of normally being a sluggish bum, i actually started doing my homework immediately (then again, that was for english and i loved the topic)! the point is, doing something i love fueled me. i guess i shouldn't quit after all... or maybe, my decision will depend on whether or not i get a D in accounting instead of an F. let's see... besides, even if i quit, that doesn't mean i am gonna quit on my dream. i am never gonna give up until i fulfill my dreams. as long as there is a will, then i'm sure, there will be a way...

oh well...

cheers!